of love and realisation
by modern.day.cleopatra
Summary: Because she brought consolation, contentment, and comfort. Because without her, he would have none of those. Because without her, he was as plain as white paper. .:Kuukai x Rima:. — .:one-shot:.


Kuukai Souma had always been content with who he was. He had never disliked or despised himself, nor did he have a distaste to any aspect of himself. He was an upbeat, outgoing fellow, and he was proud of who he was. Never had he wished to be someone other than himself. He was Kuukai. The energetic, optimistic Kuukai.

That was him.

_"I need someone who can love me..."_

He wasn't overconfident; he was just happy to be himself. Sure, there were times when he had to teach himself a thing or two, but that's what made him happy to be who he was all the more.

He wouldn't describe himself as overconfident. No, he was just him, content as himself. Plain old him.

_"... I'm afraid you can't give that to me, huh?"_

He played on the football pitch with a passion for sports, he loved those close to him with his whole heart. He was lean and tall, cheery and sophisticated.

He was rumored to be (and was, no doubt) a guy who wasn't bright in the slightest. He had also been called 'too enthusiastic'. He accepted all of it. He hadn't denied who he was.

_"I might sound greedy and selfish, but that's who I am, and I need this."_

_"Sorry..."_

For the first time in his life, Kuukai Souma wanted to be anyone else but himself.

_"...Souma."_

* * *

><p>If there was one thing Kuukai Souma was sure he couldn't do, it was apologize.<p>

He was not too good at saying those two words, and he was even worse at figuring out when exactly he should be saying them, let alone why. So instead of actually going through the trouble of apologizing, he usually pretended that nothing had happened.

However, today was one of those rare times he knew he had screwed up big time, and he was sure about Rima's feelings for the matter.

She wasn't really happy.

Yes.

He had made a joke, one which wasn't even that serious (something about how short and round she was), and as soon as the words had escaped her lips, all she had done was stomp out of his room and leave the house in a frenzy. She hadn't talked to him for about two weeks — not a surprise, really — and all she had done was throw aside his approaches, blocking him out of her life for_ two whole weeks_.

Truth to be told, Kuukai had made the best out of those fourteen days; he had prepared something to actually say to the girl. Never in the history of their relationship had she been this worked up over something so small, so instead of getting rash and doing the first thing that came to mind, Kuukai chose to use the very little wisdom he possessed and actually think things out.

Being out of her life for a long, dreary, fortnight was like hell for him, though. Besides, there was only so much a teen nearing his adult phase could handle.

So right now, he had no idea what to do. For the straight fact that if he had turned up at his girlfriend's house unexpected, Kuukai was sure he'd suffer her wrath... he didn't want die, but he still didn't want to keep her mad at him.

He chose the latter, so if he did die, he'd rather die sooner than later.

He walked on into her property with a gulp, and after the third knock, he noticed the shadow covering the eye-hole; an indication that she had been looking out on him for a while. He stood there, ceasing his knocks as he closed his eyes, wondering when exactly she would open the bloody door.

Wait... would she even open the door?

It took her a while, but then he heard the little '_click_', an action which made him flutter his eyes open with a new found hope.

Maybe things wouldn't go so bad.

When she did, though, he was met with an icy glare he hadn't known she had the strength to possess... Correction: he knew she could possess, but what he thought she couldn't do, was direct it to him.

Alright, maybe things wouldn't go along as he had planned.

Because with one look into those cold, cream-colored eyes, he knew that this time he had exceeded the limit; that an apology wasn't enough to erase the mistake he had made. The frustrated look on her face made her seem all the more fierce, but Kuukai knew what was under that icy facade.

He had seen her at her vulnerable states countless of times, something that made him feel quite lucky — after all, it wasn't everyday that Rima would put down the cold act.

And now, here he was, gaping at her like a deer caught in headlights, guilt written all over his face. He had never thought that she might drag her outer-wall up against him, that she would block her feelings away from him, but he was wrong.

Because she did.

He thought it was a possibility that this time, she wouldn't accept the goofy grin and a scratch on the back of the head as an apology. Heck — she probably wouldn't even accept an apology at it's best.

But he tried.

And it got him no where.

"Is there anything you might need?" she bit out through gritted teeth, her hands clutching harder at the doorknob. Her glare was piercing as she tucked a strand of blond, wavy hair behind her ear.

He tried opening his mouth to respond, to apologize how he could, to tell her that all of it was a mistake, to reassure her that everything would be alright, but words failed him as he stopped to take in the sight of her once more.

It made him cringe with pain and shame.

Never had he seen her in this state.

_Ever._

During that millisecond, he was positive that something inside of him had broken in two.

* * *

><p>It never occurred to him just how much he was used to her presence. The mere fact that she was sitting somewhere in his room, sharing the same text books, sitting on the same bed, walking to school side-by-side...<p>

It made him feel something that he had never felt before.

How her dark golden eyes would light up whenever he'd surrender to a contest or a challenge, or how a triumph smile would dance on her lips when she'd win the challenge, how she'd stick her tongue out and puff in a childish manner whenever he was victorious.

Not to mention the fake crying (which made him laugh instead of feeling sympathy).

Those tiny little things were etched onto his mind; he was sure he'd never forget. They were everlasting thoughts — that was evidence of how much power she had over him.

But now, now all of it was a mere memory locked in a safe place in the back of his head.

So there she was, standing less than a few feet away from him with a broken look on her face, so far as to make her completely out of reach, yet so close he could almost feel her body temperature. It took less than one day, one hour...

That was all it took for all the contentment, the comfort and the consolation he had come to muster up all his lifetime to be yanked out from under him with a brief pull.

All because of her.

He knew that without her, he'd never be who he had been from the start. The sophisticated, optimistic person who was full of potential, who had never cared what people thought of him, who actually gave himself a pat-on-the-back when he'd win a game.

All of it was memories.

He felt like trash now. Garbage used and trotted on all over — he knew that without her, he would be nothing.

She thought that he couldn't give her what she needed. He wanted to fulfill her needs. She had sent him away, and that made Kuukai feel worse than miserable.

Where was that bonded trust?

All because he couldn't give her love, she says.

...Love.

What love did she need? Didn't he give her love? If he didn't, how would he give it to her?

Love...?

All of a sudden, faster than the speed of bricks falling from the top of a skyscraper, a thought struck him:

...Perhaps he could.

* * *

><p>About another week later, he appeared on her door step with a slight quirk to his lips. He was feeling a lot more confident this time, and he was planning on making her realize where her faults lay.<p>

And so he knocked, but this time, it took even longer for her to open the door. That was all he could figure out, and he also noticed that there was no shadow covering the peephole to indicate that she was looking out on him.

He sighed and waited impatiently, not ceasing his knocks at all... until he felt himself knocking on mid-air.

He looked up to find Rima standing there with wide eyes and a shocked expression on her face, which obviously meant that she had not been expecting him.

Had she really thought that he'd forget all about her and move on?

_Blasphemy!_

Her hair was tangled up, and it looked like she hadn't combed it for a long time, something new coming from Rima — she had always been so overprotective about 'the hair'.

She looked worn out and tired, and it made him wince. Her cheeks were red and puffy, her eyes looked weary and distant, and he just wanted to wrap her in a secure embrace right then and there, telling her how everything would be okay and that there would be no more suffering on both ends.

She then opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it.

"I love you."

He muttered out those three words with a slight smile resting on his lips, looking up at her with eyes full of determination. He continued without pausing,

"I know you might think that I won't be able to give you what you need, but I swear I'll try. I've been thinking about it for a week, now, and I'll do whatever I can to make you happy. I'm willing to give up anything I have for you, because I know that I love you. I'm asking you for a chance. One more chance, and that is all."

If he had thought she was surprised when he had turned up on her doorstep after a whole week with no ties, then Kuukai hadn't seen her face now. She was shocked beyond description, and it seemed her words had caught him off guard.

She then composed herself, and the next thing he knew, her face was as blank as paper to an observer, but to him, he was more than aware of what she was doing.

They'd done this countless of times.

And Kuukai was more than willing to do it again.

And so, the challenge began... and eye contact was made.

They both stood there with no qualms as he searched her eyes, drowning her in their bottomless depths. It seemed forever for the boy, until she finally broke eye contact and replaced her blank expression with a new pleased look.

One that said: 'you're actually quite good.'

He waited for the response...

And waited...

And waited...

Until...

"You're not asking for much, are you?"

Instantly, he knew he hadn't regretted his decision at all.

* * *

><p>Kuukai Souma was once again, content with who he was. He had gathered back his comfort and confidence, and he was once again happy to be himself.<p>

Although there was something he had learned this time:

That without _her_ in his life, he would never be able to be content with who he was. That _she_ brought contentment, comfort and consolation to his life.

Suddenly, he felt the urge to kiss her senseless.

* * *

><p><strong><span>AN: My first attempt at a Rima x Kuukai romance, and it turned out worse than I'd imagined. I think I made them both a little out of character, so I apologise in advance. For this, I'd like everyone to put their honest opinion in their reviews. Well, if you're gonna review, that is, which I sincerely hope you do. :)  
><strong>

****Thanks for reading, and don't forget to tell me how I did, 'kay?**  
><strong>


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